I thought about you today.
But you’ll never know.
And as much as it hurts to reminisce on the chances gone,
It hurts much, much more to know
That after all this time the feelings are still there.
Although I’m not sure whether they are stronger or weaker.
I’ve tried many things to get you away but you’re like glue.
You’re an annoying fly.
Thoughts of you won’t go away but you’re never quite in my grasp.
I’m so annoyed with this.
With you.
With the “us” that will never be.
It’s weird though,
When I think of you and how I could have done things different,
I have this unsettling feeling of unfinished business.
As if whatever we were or weren’t isn’t over.
That’s troubling thought for two reasons.
One we may “end” being the same thing we started off as, nothing,
And two we may not ever “end” it at all.
At the time of opportunity I wasn’t sure of what I wanted.
I knew it involved you
But I needed to know why
And at that time I hadn’t coped with the fact that every reason doesn’t need to be known.
Why would someone let so much of their idle time go towards thinking about something that is gone , done , over , passed , never to return again.
Because deep down I might believe that it isn’t over.
When I say I thought about you today
I didn’t just see your face and smile.
I saw everything.
I saw things that never even happened. I saw situations that would lead us to a totally different outcome.
Situations that would have us together right now and not me writing this right now.
But here I am realizing fantasies that can’t come true.
I’m realizing that I need to let go of you.
Realizing that I need to wake up from my daydreams and stop sleeping on the real me.
Daydreaming about you is easy but facing internal problems is hard,
That’s all I’m doing, thinking about you so I can’t think about me.
I’m done with these thoughts of you , I’m letting you go so I can begin to free me.
Written By: Faith Mcgee
The Phatboy blog 